I won’t pretend I have any sort of clue what I’m doing on wordpress. Infact, I’m still the only one to even look at my own blog.. Good job I’m my biggest fan.
So. It all started last year. It was a cold.. dark, gloomy night. Nope. Right. Last year I dislocated my shoulder and did myself some serious damage. I know what you are thinking.. recover, just let it heal and we’re back on track. Nope. I work in a physical profession which often involves violence and with my recent move across the country, I couldn’t afford any time off work. So, I fought through the pain and survived a year without any mishap.
Then. This time it really was a cold, dark, gloomy night. That ‘violence’ I mentioned at work came about once again and all of a sudden, my bone poking out of my arm. Long story short, I spent the next night and morning in A & E being doused up on painkillers and huffing gas and air (I’m not complaining about that part). My well known tough guy attitude was now shattered, destroyed by the screams and constant ‘IT REALLY HURTS’.
Since the injury I have had my shoulder dislocated twice. I can’t get dressed without help, I can’t drive, and I can’t exercise. To put the pain in perspective, I have passed out each and every time. It baffles me that something that on paper seems so minor, can restrict my day to day so much. Can you now see the correlation between my profile title and my posts? Sorry.
The pain from the injury, I can cope with, it’s what comes next that really hits me hard. I have always been an anxious person. It really messes with me. My mind is my own worst enemy. Give me too much time alone with him, and he’ll convince me the world is ending. He doesn’t like my sleeping either, and saves the worst until bedtime.
I now face up to a year of my own company and two weeks in, I can feel the worries building. What will happen to my career? Will my partner get sick of me or find someone better? What use am I to anyone at the moment? You name it, I will think it, with absolutely no control over it. I can really applaud the strength of anyone with a disability, that finds themselves battling not only their own bodies, but their minds too. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m just predisposed to this sort of thing. Maybe it’s just me fearing the worst.
So, what to do next?